Hard Pressed on Every Side
A sacrifice to be real must cost, must hurt, and must empty ourselves. Give yourself fully to God. He will use you to accomplish great things on the condition that you believe much more in his love than in your weakness. -Mother Teresa
Today I'm choosing to be very vulnerable because you might be suffering too or even more than I do. I am here to bear the weight with you as I tell you, you are not alone.
This is what anxiety does for me and it isn't pretty.
I have never acknowledged it for what is was. But as it becomes stronger and more persistent, it becomes almost impossible to ignore.
Today I am addressing it in my life. Today I'm choosing to view it for what it is. Because the longer I am blinded, trying to suppress and hide. The stronger it ties to control my life.
Cast your cares to the Lord and He will sustain you. He will never let the righteous be shaken. Psalm 55:22
Anxiety. It attacks. It tries to fill and consume me. It leaves me pacing and restless, It leaves me with no desire for food. Finding myself forcing food into my mouth to keep my hands from shaking.
It tries to steal my mind as I disconnect and drift off from reality. I distinctly remember fighting as I drove, trying to stay focused even though I felt out of my body and not in control. I remember looking at my hands and not feeling like they were mine.
It has my mind drifting as I sit staring, anxiously picking at my face.
As my mind is racing, It keeps me from my patience that us mothers need so dearly for our children. It sometimes keeps my attention, which it meant for only them. Sometimes as my son hugs me, I can only look passed him and blankly stare at the nothing that's in front of me, feeling empty within.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7
It often keeps me up at night as my mind stays active and flooded with thoughts that I can't seem to stop. I wake up weary always tempted to press snooze, again I have to fight as I am encouraged to go meet the Lord. Anxiety tries to keep me from the one who sustains me, from the one who restores my soul.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30
I've never admitted to myself what anxiety actually has done and will do, because I try to suppress everything deep inside of me. So I don't have to confront, pretending that everything is fine, trying to convince myself that I live a perfect life.
But that is a lie.
Humble yourselves, therefore under Gods almighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:6-7
That's where anxiety wants to keep me. Now that I know who anxiety is, I feel safe because I have a faithful Father who knows my anxious thoughts.
Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Psalm 139:23
I write this as I pace my floor being struck again. I write this to proclaim the victory that God holds before me in the end.
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 4:8-9
Today I will boast about anxiety because in my weakness, Gods perfect strength is dwelling within me. Today I choose to let this be used for HIS glory.
Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up. Proverbs 12:25